Not to plan

Bad day. Never felt so sad. My team won. Mates laughed at me jokes. Lovely food. Then this wave of sadness washed all over me face, head and shoulders. I couldn't enjoy anything. The 5.30 game. The more pints. The quickie quickie with the missus. At best I felt indifferent about it. She said she had never seen a grumpier face orgasm.

We fought all night. It wasn't her. It was me. I feel like a dickhead. Not that I feel like I have a dick for a head 'cause that makes no sense.... I feel like an asshole. That's bleedin stupid!!! How would I or anyone else know what it feels like to be an arsehole? Or a dickhead? Or a tit,a vagina or a ballbag? It's all nonsense the way we speak!!....Well, I suppose a mouth would know what it feels like to be an arsehole when you get sick. Sick would definitely taste better than shite though. I've tasted sick and depending on what I've been eating, sometimes it can taste alright. The best sick I had was after eating hamburgers in town, then motion sickness on the bus back home. But I was too embarrassed to get sick (it was rush hour) so I held it in my mouth. My cheeks ballooned to the size of a pair of small boobs (about the size of a ducks), then I swallowed the hamburger puke. It tasted okay. It tasted like hamburgers and gherkins.....Shit! Where was I? Shit!... Oh yeah, I've never tasted shit but I've smelled it and it smells like shit. I can only imagine what it tastes like but I'd rather not imagine it because I'll just get sick (out of mouth)....So, to wrap up, I'd prefer to be a mouth. What the fuck am I shitting about?! I'm way to platsered to be in control of a geeboat. I'm pissed and tired and sleepy and knackered. Goin' bed. After a dump or a puke. Me belly hasn't decided yet.