A weekday weekend

Things not good with the missus. I got me dates wrong, first lump of dole isn't due till next friday. So, no partying this weekend. She wasn't happy. First benefits can't come soon enough (financial ones)......or maybe they can? I'm a bit confused by that saying. The benefits can come soon. Why throw the "enough" part in? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

Anyway the missus has been doing the sums, the maths, the calculations, the spreadsheets and it's not looking good for us keeping on top of the bills. We may have to rent out a room in the house. I said I'd feel uncomfortable letting a stranger stay in the house. What if he's an axe murderer? Or an accountant? Death by bludgeoning or death by boredom? She said we may have no choice as we need another revenue stream to keep the wolves away from the door. I'm pretty sure wolves are extinct in Ireland, I said. She shook her head and said nothing.

 

Weekday Regret

Just read what I wrote other night. So, so sorry to everyONE who read it. I was hammered and was feeling really bad. Me and the missus barely spoke yesterday (Monday) and not at all the previous day (Sunday). She's back in work and I'm back on me own with nothing to do.

I got a letter telling me I have a meeting in the Job Center. Something to look forward to. It's in 3 weeks though. No idea what to do untill then. Have to pick up unemployment benefit on Friday. Feel wierd about it. I've done no work these last 2 weeks so I feel like I don't deserve the money. Actually, that's the same feeling I had on Saturday in the pub and then when I was inside me missus that evening and then chowing down on that kebab. That's wierd. So, I suppose, maybe then, that I, perhaps, felt like I, probably, didn't deserve to be in the pub. I didn't feel like I deserved to be inside me missus. I didn't deserve that kebab. I think that's it :) I didn't deserve those pints! I didn't deserve to watch my team win! I didn't deserve my ejaculation! Jaysis! This is new territory to me. I've never thought about this kind of thing before. Actually, I don't think I've ever thought before. It feels good to think. There's a relly nice, warm sensation in my brain now..... Ah shit!! The bath's overflowing and dripping through the ceiling......

Not to plan

Bad day. Never felt so sad. My team won. Mates laughed at me jokes. Lovely food. Then this wave of sadness washed all over me face, head and shoulders. I couldn't enjoy anything. The 5.30 game. The more pints. The quickie quickie with the missus. At best I felt indifferent about it. She said she had never seen a grumpier face orgasm.

We fought all night. It wasn't her. It was me. I feel like a dickhead. Not that I feel like I have a dick for a head 'cause that makes no sense.... I feel like an asshole. That's bleedin stupid!!! How would I or anyone else know what it feels like to be an arsehole? Or a dickhead? Or a tit,a vagina or a ballbag? It's all nonsense the way we speak!!....Well, I suppose a mouth would know what it feels like to be an arsehole when you get sick. Sick would definitely taste better than shite though. I've tasted sick and depending on what I've been eating, sometimes it can taste alright. The best sick I had was after eating hamburgers in town, then motion sickness on the bus back home. But I was too embarrassed to get sick (it was rush hour) so I held it in my mouth. My cheeks ballooned to the size of a pair of small boobs (about the size of a ducks), then I swallowed the hamburger puke. It tasted okay. It tasted like hamburgers and gherkins.....Shit! Where was I? Shit!... Oh yeah, I've never tasted shit but I've smelled it and it smells like shit. I can only imagine what it tastes like but I'd rather not imagine it because I'll just get sick (out of mouth)....So, to wrap up, I'd prefer to be a mouth. What the fuck am I shitting about?! I'm way to platsered to be in control of a geeboat. I'm pissed and tired and sleepy and knackered. Goin' bed. After a dump or a puke. Me belly hasn't decided yet.

UH!!

Done NOTHING this week. It feels so wrong. I could barely stand, sit or lay still. The house is spotless. I cleaned the kitchen, bathroom and living room every day this week. Even the front porch got a good seeing to. I've scrubbed my front door knob so many times this week I can see my disapproving face everytime I look at it.

Missus has been working crazy hours (at her work). Then she goes to her yoda class or pillities class, then, when she gets home she eats and goes straight to bed and straight to sleep. We barely see each other. Actually it's probably about the same as when I was working. So, we fully embrace our time together at the weekend when she's off and so are my mates. Well looking forward to the weekend: football at noon down in The Horse's Exit. Chow down on thier lovely pub carvery. Nip to the bookies for a few cheeky bets. Few more pints. Watch the 5.30 game. Few more pints. Back home. Catch up with the missus. Down a few cheap tinnies of our favourite Eastern European lager: Kurwaski. We have a quickie quickie. Shit, shave, shower. Then it's my turn to scrub up. Then out we go for our romantic night: pints with the lads and their birds in The Duck's Arse. Cheap shots in Twazzles. It's 10 sambuca's for the price of 6 and a half in there on Saturdays. And ladies get a free jug of Slippery Nipple if they flash their panties and boobies. It's great!! My missus always says no at the start but that's why we have a skinfull before heading there so she, and my mates birds, are less reluctant. Then we're all nicely oiled heading into The Cumingoes Bar to boogie the night away.

Virgin-Time

First weekday unemployed ever. First day off, bar weekends, bank hols and holiday hols, ever. I can't remember the last weekday I had off. Probably pre-pre-school? And what did I do then? Wake up at 5 AM 'cause I shat myself. Get fed. Play with my toys for a while then go for a nap before din-dins. I can't do that now. Can I? Although, a siesta after playing Fifa, after my fiancee feeds me breakfast in bed, after I wake up 'cause I shat myself sounds pretty--well no, I won't finish that. Maybe do without the self indulgent excrement. Without that it actually sounds okay, like a good day. Tolerable. Loserish!!! Can't believe I'm unemployed. Can't believe it.

No idea what to do today. I've had so little 'free time '(although time is never free, we pay for time with bad backs, over-powering  incontinence  and underwhelming  flatulance) as an adult. 21 years and counting...not sure if that's correct. Do you/we class an adult at 18? At driving age? At legal age of content?...SHIT!! That's not what it's called...legal age of context...converge??? SHIT!!! I dunno. Anyway, legal sex age...where was I? Oh yeah, I'm 36 and this is my first day of unemployment. Any suggestions what I can do?

The missus had to work this weekend so I spent it eating feta and cleaning the house, so that boring box has been ticked for a few days. Watched great darts final this evening. such clinical brutal dominance!!!-fair play. While watching the match I thought to myself that darts is the only sport i can watch and not feel guilty about gorging the weeks cheese.

Let go, oh no!!

I got what's been on the cards for a few months today. What has been on most cards for the last few months has been christmas trees, Santa and Jesus (at various stages of hair length) but not on mine. The sack has been on my cards for months (and it wasn't Santa's bulging one).

First time in my life I don't have a job. First time in my life I don't have to get up early on Monday morning. First time in my life I'm scared. A load of pints have put an end to that nonsence! I co-owned my own handyman business with my twin brother since I was a teenager. That went bust three years ago. We worked like dogs (energetic ones) to get that business up and running and profitable. Through no fault of our own it was taken away from us. I find it very hard to talk about. We're no different from thousands of people who worked hard, honest and honourably to make a living only for the mistakes and greed of others to feck it all up.

For the last three years I've had steady work with a local business. Until today when they let me and two others go. I can understand letting the other two lads go as they were stealing spanners but why me?

I'm not a technalagical type of fella at all so please be patient with my blog. While drowning my sorrows in the boozer today I got chatting to one of the locals who had been in a similiar situation to mine (fucked over by a shower of greedy and feck-less planks!!!). He told me he wrote a blog when his business went under and it helped keep him occupied, busy and not-mental. I hope it can do that for me.